Brave Enough To Love

I can hardly believe that it has been seven sad months since my last post. In fact, I am ashamed that I let it go this long. The funny thing is, that it was not just because I was busy or un-inspired- but rather that I was afraid. 
Afraid of the truth. A truth that kept me so "busy" I could not break away to find my soul to write about it.

A truth I did not think I could truly face- up until a few hours ago.

A truth that envelopes me to the very core of my being: 
I am a human being and love scares me.

See, these past few months, I had been "deciding" whether or not I wanted this "love" thing. There's so much literature out there, and advice from others that can leave you flustered at times. The enemy can use pain and disappointment to make you falsely believe that God has forgotten about you (NEVER!!!) and self-pity or reckless abandonment can soon set in. 
Very Dangerous. So once again, I thought I had embarked on what would have been a world-romance, but only turned out to be just another gust of wind to knock me off my feet leaving me to pick up the pieces. I feel a "Wedding Singer" version of "Love Stinks" coming on...!

See, the trouble, is that all these past instances were really not Love. Not even slightly Love. Remotely Love. In fact, it was barely even friendship. It was really me wanting to see what I wanted to see to avoid loneliness, heartbreak or having to wait on God. It was two people creating an alternate reality which couldn't be further from the truth of God's Word. It was convenience and lust, obligation and desire, disagreement and disunity. "Where there is agreement- God commands his blessing"- a verse not only to be applied on Tuesday prayer meetings. For God requires us to walk in unity if His blessing is to abound. 

Sometimes, we need to read the signs for what they are. Maya Angelou said:
"When someone shows you who they are- believe them". Don't keep wishing and hoping they will change along the way by all your "niceness". Niceness doesn't get you to heaven. And if a guy (even a "Christian" one, in the church, ministering the Word) approaches you with words inconsistent with God's Holy Truth- shut it down! A REAL MAN OF GOD WOULD NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER 
(I don't care what his position in the church may be) compromise your values, purity and stand in Christ. So, don't fall for those honey-dipped lies of compromise. #ShutItDown

Oh, I am tired of falling. Falling down. Falling in Love. Falling for Lies. Falling period. It hurts. It confuses. It takes up my time and I always tend to "read" the signs wrong. The funny thing is, I am so much happier of a person when I am dead center in God's perfect will- so why do I need to conform to society and the "churches" standards? See, the problem with the wrong kind of love is that it messes with your identity- who God called you to be. The Bible says that:

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
-1 John 4:18

Jesus is teaching me this through the power of His Holy Spirit: "Love perfects us". Love should never have to hurt, leave you lonely, be abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally or otherwise), compromise your values, change who you are- but rather embrace you-the real you. Ultimately; divinely- bringing out the best in you. For a long time in my life, I have been afraid to love because I spent most of my adult life getting acquainted with what Love is Not. But, today I look to Jesus the " author and perfecter of my faith" (Hebrews 12:2) and realise His Love gives me true freedom, joy, peace, self-esteem and power. His Love gives me the courage to Love and the braveness to Love again. I am slowly begin to realise and soak in this vital truth:

Jesus Loves Me- so much so- that He won't allow me to accept anything less than His perfect love when it comes to receiving it: True Love.

"We love him, because He first loved us".- 1 John 4:19

Love is Good. God is Love (1 John 4:8) and when that God of Love is leading this crucial part of your life (Yes- your Love Life!) things start to happen in the Spirit that manifest in the natural. So, in three short weeks, I have begun to realise three eternal truths:

1. God wants to heal me even more badly than I want to be healed.
2. His perfect love NEVER FAILS- no matter how many times I do.
3. TRUE LOVE IS REAL and God wants to give me a Forever Love Story.

So, that being said- I guess it's time for me to stand up and be counted amongst those leaders in the faith who were Brave enough to Love.
I hope my that my braveness ignites a spark for generations to come.

We are a peculiar people after all! 

"But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light"- 1 Peter 2:9
 

Be #INCouraged

In Christ

©2013 Allison Marche' Pillay

ADD_IC/XION

ADD_IC/XION

A constant series of inconsistencies


Days, hours, minutes, seconds
Measured by highs and lows that precede relapse
Anger the gasoline that burns in my soul 
Fueling my desire to Succeed
GROW

Escape

FORGET
Forget that my father was an alcoholic
Forget that my brother was an addict
Forget that this was my life

You feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders
Carrying the burden of a sin that you do not own

Battling insecurities 

left, 

right

 and center

Longing to be free- 
And to create your own: 
Reality

Tonight, I am frustrated- but it's just the same
A circle of anger, tears, regret and shame
Constant as the rain
A bad night- a new day
We go on our way

Do Church, love Jesus, and try hard to pray

But the pain's in-excusable
And courage is lost
When tears are your pillow
And all night you toss:
You awake to fresh Hope- yes
But who shares your pain?
Your battle for perfection, they interpret as Vain...

You won't settle for less
'Cos you've seen what it looks like
And you've felt its cold grip:
Nothing in life is ever worth taking that trip

At times I feel like: The definition of Grace is lost on a user
'Cos that's what they do:
Use and abuse
"Sorry", really means: " I meant it"
Regret is a lie.
A lie is a promise just to get high.
But, still you Believe. You Pray. You Hope.
That their lives won't just go up in smoke.

I'm so tired of being the strong one-
The Hero
I just need somewhere soft to finally fall
I'm so tired of judgement by sugary princesses
Who live in tall castles, behind electrified walls 

To those who pass judgment before getting to know me
To see through all the toughness and barbed wire and body
Before your analysis- process the diagnosis
Take off your perfect pumps and walk in my shoes

Addiction is a cycle that never seems to end:
Broken promises, broken families, broken hearts-
Never seeming to mend
You live through every relapse, rehab visit and bad day
And your FAITH is what helps you to see the light along the way

But, this still sucks!

One day, with God's grace
I'll never have to look back
There will be nothing, there will be no one to get me off track
My Destiny is mine and I know God is on my side
The past IS closed shut
And my future: OPEN WIDE!!!

Thank You Jesus!

Becoming His Best...


© 2012 Allison Pillay


















 

No Substitutes

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your patience :) Finals are here once again, and so I have been with my blog in spirit for these past weeks- but today I check in!

I trust that you are all enjoying the season that God has placed you in. What a crazy bunch of weeks these have been! God has truly been doing some amazing things in this past month, and once again- this topic of love, singleness and marriage has floated to the surface of many discussions. I have been pondering many things lately; thoughts, experiences and revelations from past, present and dare I say- future lol! So, this may be your cup of tea, and if not, pass it on- but please share the truth. You never know who needs to hear it.

I think as women we "get" Christ faster because we know what it is to be 
wanted, loved, rescued, redeemed, sanctified and made whole. We are created to be saved, rescued, fought for, loved and adored. We want to belong to someone and are created to partner with them in a vision to extend God's Kingdom. It's so built-in to our being, our hard-drive. Love us right and you will have a Worshiper, Warrior and Wow-Man! for life :)

Christ also empowers women. In every encounter He had with them He sets them free emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychologically, and even financially. There is not one woman that left the presence of Jesus the same way!!!

Jesus continually washes us with the water of His Word- Ephesians 5:26.
His Love is Amazing! He Loves us into Perfection. He covers our Sins. He Redeems Us. His Love makes us Beautiful. In His arms we become the women we've always dreamed we would be:
Incredible! Irresistible! Unstoppable!

We also learn how to submit to HIM, walk in obedience- trust Him to lead us....
Stuff, we will need for marriage right? I would think so.

So, in essence- our ability and obedience as single women to follow Christ enables us to understand God's plan for marriage- (which is in essence- merely a blueprint for Christ and the Church.)

So, how do men respond to Christ? In their manliness I presume. They relate to Jesus as a man, a mentor and an example. And they should.

Ephesians 5:25-28 says " A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and have his life for it. He made the church holy by the power of His word, and He made it pure by washing it with water.

Christ did this, so that He would have a glorious and holy church, without faults or spots or wrinkles or any other flaws. In the same way a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows that he loves himself. " 

Verse 33 goes on to say, "so each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband."

So the bottom line ladies is: Can He love you like Christ Does?

See, I think us woman got this "Love" thing down: The sacrifice, the adoration, the commitment, the putting him first etc. The desire to love is in-built within us. After all, God made Eve for Adam. So, once we think Adam sees us we like go into that "mode" of "I'm going to be all you need!!!"
Am I right? Lol!

Guess I'm calling it out tonight! Ooh now. I touched a nerve.

Ladies,[Allison], sisters- let's just rest in the Lord. If Mr Perfect walks in the door tomorrow (please Lord haha!) the one thing on my mind and heart should be:


Will he love me like Christ does? 

That's the standard right there.
#NoSubstitutes

Until then...

Keep Becoming His Best

For His Glory
 
© 2012 Allison Pillay

the antithesis of a Poet [!]

antithesis of a Poet

Let my words speak for themselves:

Bold, Crunchy, Smooth, Rough

Like peanut-butter on bread

Spread it on. Thick.

Take a bite. Eat.

Be enlightened.

Grow.

Let my words speak for themselves

For if you look at me you may not relate

For you will find:

No afro hair,

No emancipative stare,

No slogan tee,

No cause to free-

Just me

Relatively speaking, I am not what you see

I am what I speak

Having the power of life and death on my taste-buds

I choose Life

And boy… is it sweet!

Let my words speak for themselves

For they have life,

And can give life;

If you will receive LIFE

Let my words speak for themselves

For maybe within them you may recognize:

Footsteps heard in shoes you once wore

The taste of an-almost love that knocked at your door

Fears of the future, concealed in your past

Dying for truth;

Living for lies in contrast to:

Hope

Let my words speak for themselves;

For, I am the antithesis of a Poet

Here you will see:

No poetry slams, no hip-hop jams

No feminist fads or political jabs

No mentality of race, but a desire for space

To

                                                                                              just 

be

                                                     Me.

I couldn’t colour outside the lines ‘cos I didn’t even have a pencil

When I stopped to ask for directions, teacher’s just handed me a stencil

But, I knew I was born “break the mould”

I Love Life

But I’m not sold

Cos’ I was bought with a price

And it’s so nice

To finally be free,

Basking in my True Identity

Found only in Him who has gone before me,

Loves me; adores me

Constantly assures me

That I am made in the image of ONE- who is three

The perfect design of a spiritual being

Beautiful, adorable- altogether irreplaceable

Born to love and to be loved; my heart- unshakeable

In passion, alive with fire and mystery

Designed to show forth the praises of The Holy Trinity

To testify of the wonders of His grace and glory

To speak Fire and Life; to share my story…

Let my words speak for themselves

For I am the antithesis of a poet,

I am conduit

“He who believes in me as the Scripture has said: ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.‘” John 7:38

Until then...

Keep becoming His best.

© 2012 Allison Pillay