ADD_IC/XION

ADD_IC/XION

A constant series of inconsistencies


Days, hours, minutes, seconds
Measured by highs and lows that precede relapse
Anger the gasoline that burns in my soul 
Fueling my desire to Succeed
GROW

Escape

FORGET
Forget that my father was an alcoholic
Forget that my brother was an addict
Forget that this was my life

You feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders
Carrying the burden of a sin that you do not own

Battling insecurities 

left, 

right

 and center

Longing to be free- 
And to create your own: 
Reality

Tonight, I am frustrated- but it's just the same
A circle of anger, tears, regret and shame
Constant as the rain
A bad night- a new day
We go on our way

Do Church, love Jesus, and try hard to pray

But the pain's in-excusable
And courage is lost
When tears are your pillow
And all night you toss:
You awake to fresh Hope- yes
But who shares your pain?
Your battle for perfection, they interpret as Vain...

You won't settle for less
'Cos you've seen what it looks like
And you've felt its cold grip:
Nothing in life is ever worth taking that trip

At times I feel like: The definition of Grace is lost on a user
'Cos that's what they do:
Use and abuse
"Sorry", really means: " I meant it"
Regret is a lie.
A lie is a promise just to get high.
But, still you Believe. You Pray. You Hope.
That their lives won't just go up in smoke.

I'm so tired of being the strong one-
The Hero
I just need somewhere soft to finally fall
I'm so tired of judgement by sugary princesses
Who live in tall castles, behind electrified walls 

To those who pass judgment before getting to know me
To see through all the toughness and barbed wire and body
Before your analysis- process the diagnosis
Take off your perfect pumps and walk in my shoes

Addiction is a cycle that never seems to end:
Broken promises, broken families, broken hearts-
Never seeming to mend
You live through every relapse, rehab visit and bad day
And your FAITH is what helps you to see the light along the way

But, this still sucks!

One day, with God's grace
I'll never have to look back
There will be nothing, there will be no one to get me off track
My Destiny is mine and I know God is on my side
The past IS closed shut
And my future: OPEN WIDE!!!

Thank You Jesus!

Becoming His Best...


© 2012 Allison Pillay


















 

the antithesis of a Poet [!]

antithesis of a Poet

Let my words speak for themselves:

Bold, Crunchy, Smooth, Rough

Like peanut-butter on bread

Spread it on. Thick.

Take a bite. Eat.

Be enlightened.

Grow.

Let my words speak for themselves

For if you look at me you may not relate

For you will find:

No afro hair,

No emancipative stare,

No slogan tee,

No cause to free-

Just me

Relatively speaking, I am not what you see

I am what I speak

Having the power of life and death on my taste-buds

I choose Life

And boy… is it sweet!

Let my words speak for themselves

For they have life,

And can give life;

If you will receive LIFE

Let my words speak for themselves

For maybe within them you may recognize:

Footsteps heard in shoes you once wore

The taste of an-almost love that knocked at your door

Fears of the future, concealed in your past

Dying for truth;

Living for lies in contrast to:

Hope

Let my words speak for themselves;

For, I am the antithesis of a Poet

Here you will see:

No poetry slams, no hip-hop jams

No feminist fads or political jabs

No mentality of race, but a desire for space

To

                                                                                              just 

be

                                                     Me.

I couldn’t colour outside the lines ‘cos I didn’t even have a pencil

When I stopped to ask for directions, teacher’s just handed me a stencil

But, I knew I was born “break the mould”

I Love Life

But I’m not sold

Cos’ I was bought with a price

And it’s so nice

To finally be free,

Basking in my True Identity

Found only in Him who has gone before me,

Loves me; adores me

Constantly assures me

That I am made in the image of ONE- who is three

The perfect design of a spiritual being

Beautiful, adorable- altogether irreplaceable

Born to love and to be loved; my heart- unshakeable

In passion, alive with fire and mystery

Designed to show forth the praises of The Holy Trinity

To testify of the wonders of His grace and glory

To speak Fire and Life; to share my story…

Let my words speak for themselves

For I am the antithesis of a poet,

I am conduit

“He who believes in me as the Scripture has said: ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.‘” John 7:38

Until then...

Keep becoming His best.

© 2012 Allison Pillay

The Princess Diaries

My Dear Friends,

Call me a Princess, but part of me can't wait to get to heaven just to try on my gown and dress. Yes, I dream of a full on Disney sequence, in HD colour and surround sound! Jesus, my prince waltzing down the stairs and leading me onto the dance floor (think Beauty and the Beast- minus the Beast).

I am captured by the thought of spending an eternity with Him. I am homesick for the place I come from. For the One I love.

I long for heaven, yet while here on foreign soil, I must not forget who I am. He has called me by Name- I am His. Below is one of my favorite verses from Psalm 45, describing what it means to be a Princess for Him- the privilege and the responsibility.

Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear:

Forget your people and your father’s house. 

11The king is enthralled by your beauty;

honor him, for he is your lord. 

12The Daughter of Tyre will come with a gift,

men of wealth will seek your favor. 

13All glorious is the princess within [her chamber];

her gown is interwoven with gold. 

14In embroidered garments she is led to the king;

her virgin companions follow her

and are brought to you. 

15They are led in with joy and gladness;

they enter the palace of the king. 

16Your sons will take the place of your fathers;

you will make them princes throughout the land. 

17I will perpetuate your memory through all generations;

therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever.

This psalm, although originally sung by King David for a wedding, captures so beautifully the privilege and wonder of being called a daughter of the Most High: A Princess of the Kingdom of Eternity.

As a Princess of God's Kingdom you are:

- Loved

- Cherished

- Accepted

- Adored

- Protected

- Empowered

- Adopted

- Clothed

- Called

- Wanted

As His Daughter you receive Divine:

- Identity

- Protection

- Assistance 

- Wealth

- Honor

- Favor

- Grace

- Fruitfulness

- Blessings

- Respect

You are marked with His Royal seal. You are chosen by Him.

He has held out His scepter towards you. #You are Accepted.

So, when you find yourself struggling to breathe in this atmosphere, blinded by the pressures of this foreign world, remember- this is not your natural habitat. You are born of God, Created for Destiny and Life in the Spirit. Called to the Higher Life, in the world and not of it. [Romans 12:2]

You are redeemed. You are royalty. You are His. 

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." [1 Peter 2:9] NIV

Till then...

Keep Becoming His Best

© 2012 Allison Pillay

 

WhO dO YoU tHiNk YoU ARE???

Welcome friends,

It's the end of another great week and God has indeed been FAITHFUL :)
In fact, He has surpassed my expectations!

Do you know what's my favorite attribute of God? Besides of course His Faithfulness, Awesome Power and Incredible Love? It's His ability to always show up. Every time. Especially, when we need Him. And we always do.. :)
 
Did you know that God knows absolutely everything about you? Every minute detail of your life, every whispered prayer? Even those things that we think He won't understand- because He is God and seems so far removed from the troubles of this world? He listens, He hears, He feels: With you, For you.

His plans for you are good. REALLY GOOD. REALLY, REALLY GOOD. :)
Can you believe it? God doesn't just love you- He actually likes you! Just as you are! Isn't that incredible!

When we begin to see ourselves through the eyes of a kind, caring, compassionate Father, we begin to see- to understand who we truly are. We find our purpose and align ourselves with God's opinion of us and His authority over us. We are empowered to walk in that authority through Jesus, and heaven's angels begin to recognise and respond to us as God's own children. The words of God in Jesus' mouth have the same power when we speak them. Therefore: Heaven pays attention when we speak the Word of God over and into our lives, families and nations.

"Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?" (Hebrews 1:14)

As believers in His Son we become the Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Basically, God sees Jesus, living in us, through us, for Him. 

"For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ." (2 Corinthians 5:21)

Something wonderful happens when we actually BELIEVE God's opinion of us: We begin to walk in agreement with Him. And we know that agreement, or unity of mind and purpose is a powerful tool. Throughout generations, alliances have brought down kingdoms and built empires. Imagine then, what could happen when we start to agree with The Great I Am?

The word symphony is derived from Greek συμφωνία (symphonia), meaning "agreement or concord of sound".

 

When we agree with God's perception of us- two sounds become one. One beautiful melody resounding into the halls of Eternity. We align the instrument of our life with God as our composer, and follow His notes so that we too can sing the sweeter song of Destiny. 

Heaven is waiting; Earth is groaning for the sons of God to be revealed. (Romans 8:19)

We are ambassadors of Heaven, heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ. (Romans 8:17)

We are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. 
(Romans 8:37)

Let's begin to think and act and live in agreement with who God says we are.

Who do you think you are?

Here's a link to remind you: 
http://www.joycemeyer.org/articles/ea.aspx?article=knowing_who_i_am_in_christ

Until later ...

Keep Becoming His Best
 
© 2012 Allison Pillay