ADD_IC/XION
A constant series of inconsistencies
Days, hours, minutes, seconds
Measured by highs and lows that precede relapse
Anger the gasoline that burns in my soul
Fueling my desire to Succeed
GROW
Escape
FORGET
Forget that my father was an alcoholic
Forget that my brother was an addict
Forget that this was my life
You feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders
Carrying the burden of a sin that you do not own
Battling insecurities
left,
right
and center
And to create your own:
Reality
Tonight, I am frustrated- but it's just the same
A circle of anger, tears, regret and shame
Constant as the rain
A bad night- a new day
We go on our way
Do Church, love Jesus, and try hard to pray
But the pain's in-excusable
And courage is lost
When tears are your pillow
And all night you toss:
You awake to fresh Hope- yes
But who shares your pain?
Your battle for perfection, they interpret as Vain...
You won't settle for less
'Cos you've seen what it looks like
And you've felt its cold grip:
Nothing in life is ever worth taking that trip
At times I feel like: The definition of Grace is lost on a user
'Cos that's what they do:
Use and abuse
"Sorry", really means: " I meant it"
Regret is a lie.
A lie is a promise just to get high.
But, still you Believe. You Pray. You Hope.
That their lives won't just go up in smoke.
I'm so tired of being the strong one-
The Hero
I just need somewhere soft to finally fall
I'm so tired of judgement by sugary princesses
Who live in tall castles, behind electrified walls
To those who pass judgment before getting to know me
To see through all the toughness and barbed wire and body
Before your analysis- process the diagnosis
Take off your perfect pumps and walk in my shoes
Addiction is a cycle that never seems to end:
Broken promises, broken families, broken hearts-
Never seeming to mend
You live through every relapse, rehab visit and bad day
And your FAITH is what helps you to see the light along the way
But, this still sucks!
One day, with God's grace
I'll never have to look back
There will be nothing, there will be no one to get me off track
My Destiny is mine and I know God is on my side
The past IS closed shut
And my future: OPEN WIDE!!!
Thank You Jesus!
Becoming His Best...
© 2012 Allison Pillay
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